SHORT STORY: I ALMOST GOT MARRIED!

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1. The phrase ” your mates are giving their mothers grand children, you are here buying me gift” is the only way Mama reminds me of getting married but Papa would say son, if I had married your mother at 52, would you be of this age? My son, we need a wife!

One faithful night, after sleeping on the bed of my parents thoughts, I was beclouded like a wield fire. I thought of all they said and realized, a wife is to me as the faeces is to the buttocks. The next morning, felt relieved with smiles upon my cheek like a man whose wife just gave birth. I whispered to mama’ ears “I am ready” the euphoria was nothing my household have experienced before.

2. On a fortnight, I told them about Amaka. Amaka was a girl I met in Anambra State on one of my visits there to see Chioma. She is beautiful, calm and seductive too but Dad couldn’t wait to ask, can she cook? Because the stomach of a Rivers man is one of the roads to his heart. He said my son, ” the mini skirt is too short to seduce a man, yet it is still too long to cover that which a man desires” what do you want, A home or one who will only give what is under the skirt? Even I, was confused when I asked same question, what do I want?

While confused, the cool breeze of March brought to our doorsteps the rains of April which clothed the naked sun. It was time and so we zoomed off to Anambra but my mind got there before we could. We were received and welcomed like no strangers in the Abode of Amaka.

As we were all seated, the eldest of the family strolled in, majestically in the footsteps of a cat, Amaka’s father shouted ” the great Iroko is here, the Ogirigirikainabukosai” those chants came with the quietness of the grave. Soon Kola nut was brought, the old man was asked to bless it. In his words he said, ” the kola nut does not hear English neither does it speak as such “ana masigi nnoo my people, Ihe di mma onye n’acho, o ga-afu ya” whatever you are looking for, you will find. The kola was broken and shared as our eyes cling, we all smiled to success.

4. Our fathers would say, ” A toad does not come out in day light except it is being chased or it is chasing something” my people, why are you here? My dad responded; Hmm my elders, we are here to pluck one of the flowers in your garden named Amaka. That is a good thing but “on na-abu akota ihe ka ubi, e lee oba” during farming, if one encounters what is bigger than the farm, one sells the barn. Can you afford the flower you wish to pluck? because it’s quiet expensive considering your outfit. With quivered lips, I said yes! Hmmmmm, The female toad said ” husband is so sweet that when she got married she carried her husband permanently on her back” can you carry the problems of this flower? For once I became scared and troubled for my decision of getting married.

Mazi Nkemu, I am not a party to this oo..this Man is a Rivers man, they love women and polygamy, are you sure our daughter can cope? Mazi, don’t worry Amaka’s father responded. My son, I like your height but our people would say ” ogologo abughi na nwa m etola” the tallness is not maturity, how old are you? I am 22! Arueme, may the gods forbid. The boy is not mature for our daughter, our daughter needs a strong man not those that would be tying wrapper until the wrestling is over.

We would get back to you was the handkerchief Amaka’s parents used to clean our faces while we came home without the wife I almost got married to.

Written by: Ikoromasoma, Emmanuel

Ikoro’s mindset.

About Me

I am from Rivers State and a native of Okirika. I attended New Era Brilliant College Borikiri, graduated of Rivers State University Port Harcourt were I studied Office and Information Management. I did a certificate program in Uniport in the Department of Theatre and film Studies. I love writing, dancing, and sport. I fell in love with poetry in my secondary school days and ever since poetry has changed my life.

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