UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF: THE BEST RELATIONSHIP ADVICE TO FOLLOW
Imagine you bought a dress that didn’t quite fit you right. You thought it looked amazing on the hanger and when you tried it on it looked really good but had a few little problems which you figured weren’t that serious.
So you wear it out to a party and all of your friends tell you that it looks fantastic on you. They gush so much that you can almost ignore how it pinches you under the arm and it’s scratchy and you can never get comfortable until you take it off. You wear it a few more times and every time when you put it on you remember that you don’t like how it feels on you but keep wearing it despite how uncomfortable you feel just because people like how it looks on you.
A lot of problems in relationships (especially recurrent ones) are the result of people squeezing into a relationship that doesn’t quite fit them.
Even if the relationship looks amazing or is the kind of relationship that everyone else wants or is happy with, that doesn’t mean that it’s the right kind of relationship for you.
If you ask most people having issues with their relationships why they’re staying in an “ill-fitting dress” of a relationship, the average answers you’ll get are the ones you can probably guess —
“it’s not that bad, my friends/family/etc. love them,” “there’s nothing necessarily wrong with it,” or “I don’t think I could find a better fit so I might as well put up with this one.”
I ask them as well how they ended up in the poor fit and many people tell me that they just kind of started dating and this is how it ended up.
To be honest, if you want something to fit you well, you have to actually know what fits you first.
For instance, a curvy lady knows that if she wear something big and billowy it’s not going to make her look as good as something that’s more structured and tailored. She also know that if something doesn’t fit over a certain part of her body, it’s better to go up a size to feel comfortable in the dress.
Most people, over the course of their lives, eventually figure out what clothes tend to be a good fit for their body. However, it is obvious that many people do not put the same effort into discovering what’s a good fit for them when it comes to relationships.
Most people spend many years trying to fit themselves into relationships that doesn’t quite fit them. They will date the people who “look good on paper” or who didn’t quite want what they wanted but “close enough.”
It might take a sometimes to discover yourself and know what you actually wanted from the person that will be your partner. Sometimes, it might be a long hard process of self-exploration but trust me, it will end up being totally worth. After discovering yourself, you’ll be able to be more selective and make sure that your relationships are actually a good fit.
In order to be able to have a really amazing relationship, we have to work at knowing ourselves.
If we aren’t being true to ourselves, then we’re not really participating in the relationship. And if we don’t know what we want and what makes us happy, then the odds of accidentally stumbling into it are pretty low.
So take some time. Think about what, for you, what makes a great relationship?
Just look for THAT.
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