TIPS ON HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY END UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.
No matter how we see it as humans, the truth is that no relationship lasts forever. Some may have to end a relationship as a result of a break up, a break away or a backing out (which is my focus for this write up), while some as a result of distance, others, for them, life just changes their circle of friends automatically, as a result of a significant change that has taken place in their lives, some relationships go by themselves while some are ended by death. This is considered the most tragic. Every relationship has a season and seasons do not last forever, they come and go. The season of a relationship may just be for a short or a long period of time, but it will certainly notlast forever, believe it or not. For those of you who fall into the category of having the need to end a relationship by yourself and of your own will, this write up is for you!
First things first, you must be certain about your decision to end a particular relationship. This is extremely important as it determines the success of your break up. Now, whether it is a “dating” relationship that exists between a guy and a girl or lady (whichever) or a relationship or relationships that you find yourself in, you must be certain enough to know when the relationship no longer pays you, being that it has completed its cause or season in your life. It demands that you are clear about what you want for yourself. Being certain about ending a relationship should also make you realise that youhave fallen out of “love” for the person or people(this does not mean that you now hate the person or persons concerned) and that you are the designer of your own destiny, so you must always maintain the position of the driver’s sit as well as take hold of the pen that is in your hand, which will be used to write your own beautiful story, since you are the author of your Autography! So yes, certainty is a vital necessity for ending an unhealthy or unfruitful relationship. This will require you to ponder on it for as long as you need too.
As a result, having established that you are certain that you want and need to end that relationship or those relationships, you will have to build your courage to tell the person or those set of people. Pay attention to these; first, I advise that you make a clean break up (especially if you are dating the person) by making yourself clear, but it is okay if you really still want that person as a friend (but mind you, that is not ending the relationship, that is simply changing the status of the relationship). I will tell you why I advise that you make a clean break up; making a clean break up is the only time you really end a relationship and for the dating relationship, do not expect the person you have just broken up with to start relating with you as a friend again, that is almost impossibly impossible, except maybe on the basis of insincerity, especially with the males. It is really almost impossible to become “friends like old times” again. In some cases, the friendship is even completely lost. (To me, that is nonsense because if that is the case, then the relationship was never worth keeping. Well, that is what it means to end a relationship anyway right?). Also, stick to your decision; I know that it could be tempting to try to go back on your words, but that is where the place of certainty comes to play, to avoid having any regrets afterwards.
More so, please do not ever forget respect. Keep this in mind that; no matter how you think you are able to skilfully and successfully end a relationship, it is bound to be hurtful to the recipient(s), especially in a situation where sincere love existed from the recipient(s). So, in the place of a break up, a break away or a backing out, there arethree good things you can do for the person or people. These things are; Respect, Appreciation and Maintenance of the individual’s or individuals’ Dignity. In reference to respect, be intentional about being calm during that moment, if possible, take time to practice what you would say and how you would say it, beforehand. Be completely honest but do insult the person or people, FOR NO REASON AT ALL! In respect to appreciation, I advise you start your conversation with this. Think of all the good things the person or people have done for you and sincerely appreciate them or him or her for it. And for the maintenance of dignity; you must have understood and known the value of that person to you, do not keep this to yourself. Tell them sincerely how much they mean or meant to you. This helps to retain the dignity of the person or persons. You may then wonder; “Why then do I have to end a relationship with people or a person of so much value?” Remember that every relationship has its season and that may just be the end of the season of that one because it is no longer paying you as it used too or maybe it even never paid you.
In addition, when do you end a relationship? You end it when its season ends. How do you approach the person or people? Respectfully and honestly. What do you tell him or her or them? Exactly what and how you feel. Where do you end a relationship? In a comfortable, safe and peaceful environment. In other words, it is advisable to end a relationship in person, at least it shows you valued the person and the relationship and not through a text message or over the phone, EXCEPT in a situation when you really cannot help it. But mind you, when ending a relationship in person, your environment really matters. Do not end a relationship at a Bar except if of course, you want to get your headbroken. That may likely happen in cases where the recipient is hot tempered (I tell you, be it a male or a female).
In conclusion, the truth remains that ending a relationship can be a very hurtful thing to do on the part of both the person ending it and the person or people it is ended with, but that does not make it a bad thing (well, depending on how you end it). Remember that it is your life, your story and your future. No one gets to decide who you be with except YOU (well maybe your parents too). I guarantee youthat these few tips of mine can help you end an unfruitful, unhealthy or an over maintained relationship, successfully if you follow them duly. Remember, honesty is better than committing atrocity!
BY OJEME ISIOMA
I am a transformational writer, a public speaker and a poet who has a great passion for creating a better humanity.
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