DISCOVER! ; DOES THAT PERSON LOVE AND VALUE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO?
DISCOVER! ; DOES THAT PERSON LOVE AND VALUE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO?
As humans, there would always come a time in our lives when we would begin to ask ourselves questions like; “does she really care about me?” “Does he even know I exist?” “If I were in her shoes, would she have done as much for me?” “Am I just a friend to him?” “Do they love me as well?” Trust me, whether you admit it or not, it happens and might have even happened to you, or interestingly, it’s even happening now! Well, I must say, that is the case for me. Funny enough, personally, I call this period the period of “testing the chemistry”. The concept of the chemistry of love says that “love is blind” but at this point of your life, you have been wondering if the love is worth being blind for and so you have to do a little testing! In this piece, I’d be sharing with you some clues on how you can get answers to your own questions just by being a little more observant of the person or persons concerned. If you are the one who is currently in the period of testing the chemistry or you were once there and you weren’t sure if you were wrong to have found yourself in that state and you still really want to find out, then this write up is for you!
Now, I would be providing you with a formulathat we are going to use to carry out this experiment. But before then, we need some hypothesis and this is where I would need your contribution. In reference to hypothesis; hypothesis is a scientific guess to the solution of a scientific problem which is done before the experiment. But for the purpose of this piece, I would say it is an emotional guess to the real status of your relationship with the person concerned. Sowithin the next two minutes, I want you to ask yourself these hypothetical questions and answer them from the clearly made obvious things you know and have seen in your relationship with the person or persons concerned, and be honest with yourself. “Does (he/she) really like me as much as I do?” “Can (he/she) go the extra mile for me?” Well, I suppose your answers are not very positive, if not completely negative because that’s the only reason you’re still reading this right? Trust me, you would be fine dear. Okay then, here comes the formula; CHT=O+C=R/R. CHT stands for chemistry test, O stands for Observation, C stands for Comparison, R stands for Result and Reality. So in words we have; Chemistry Test is equal to Observation plus Comparison which is equal to Result/Reality! The Result is the outcome of your experiment while the Reality is the actual status of your relationship with concerned person or persons. How then can you apply this to your life? Just a moment dear.
However, here is when we carry out our experiment so you may need to make some notes so that you can take radical actions once you’re done reading this. Here is where you would need to do a lot of thinking and reflections, but mind you, you don’t need to rush it, you can always get your answers later, probably after reading this. As for Comparison; start by carefully comparing your personal values to that of the person (I advise you make this plain on a paper and you should know the person at least 20% enough to really like him or her as much as you do unless it’s infatuation and not love). So compare. Compare everything thing you can think of when you think of that person or personsand when you think of yourself. The reason for the comparison is that it could just be a clue on how much the person likes you or does not like you, or the tendency of the person eventually getting to like you just as much. So compare! How many things do you both or all have in common? So many? Just a few? Nothing at all? Compare the person or persons’ attitude with that of the person or people you feel are too clingy towards you or those you know really like you. Compare how the one(s) who really likes you replies your messages to that of person you arecurrently undergoing the chemistry test because of.Do these two sets of people behave in at least the slightest similar way to you? If your answer is no, then I can say that the person doesn’t really like you just as much. If your answer is yes, then I would say you still have some hope because that is not a 100% guarantee for this. Just compare and compare everything comparable that is connected to the person or persons concerned.
Nevertheless, we will now move the next application which is Observation. This aspect would require you to be discerning and extremely observant of some things and you would probably just have to pray on your own for that Grace. Providing you with a list of clues you need to start focusing on, you have to “do” them to get the R/R. From now on, begin to observe, discern and try to understand the following things concerning your beloved.
- Try observing the person or person’s attitude towards your messages. You ask a question that not only demands a reply but also deserves a question in return for the sake of empathetic communication, but maybe you don’t get one in return most times. It basically means that your communication with the person or persons concerned doesn’t reciprocate and this isn’t a good sign. In fact, it could just be a sign of how much the person doesn’t care to reciprocate your care, value and love towards him or her to you. An example is this, you ask; “Do you love sports?” and the reply you get is; “Yes! I do”. At this point something else is expected and that is the question; “What about you, do you?” But sadly it doesn’t come, and on a regular basis. The result from this experiment is negative but if it’s the other way round, then it is positive.
- Find out the person’s major reason(s) behind some of the good things he or she does for you. It could just be that the person does it out of brotherly or sisterly care (which is most likely what you don’t really desire) or because the person is in a leadership position and just has to do them for you to show leadership, or the person is even being compelled to do it! Find out through observation so that you don’t go deceiving yourself and blushing or smiling all over for nothing. Once you find this out, the reason behind it gives you a correct and perfect R/R.
- Another observation you must make is regarding your ability to connect with your beloved especially when it comes to serious or intimate matters. How well are you able to connect with the person(s)? A little? Very well? At all? Does the person(s) always respond like they areuninterested? Does the person(s) try to blend in well with you just as you try to do? Do you really find this difficult? Again, the state of your answers determines the R/R.
- Observe also if you constantly feel like you have to crave or beg for the attention of the person(s) concerned. (NB; anyone who really likes you wouldn’t make you feel like you have to beg for their attention, at least not for a very long time because they desire your attention just as much!). And once you have “managed” to get it, it would seem like he or she is doing you a favour and you have to be snappy about what you have to say so that you don’t lose that attention again. Trust me, if that is the way you feel, then the result is obvious; the person(s) doesn’t like you just as much if not at all. And if it is the exact opposite that’s happening or happened to you, then the person most likely likes you just as much.
- Note that they, he or she is completely aware of the fact that you really love and value the person (at least as long as you make it known to them, him or her somehow). So observe if they are doing everything and anything possible to act like they don’t know and even if they know that you know that they are aware, they simply don’t care, this is where you will need to be able to discern. Although, at the same time it seems like an obvious sign that they really don’t care how you see them, feel about them or how much value you place on them and so they would not reciprocate it. The case with you? Then the R/R is that they might just like you as a friend and to them, their relationship with you is nothing more than friendship and it may probably never go beyond that. Who knows? And if it is not the case with you, then I must say that although the person(s) may currently not feel the exact way towards you, but from the results, you have some hope of that, in the future. So keep on keeping on!
- Lastly and most importantly, deal with finding out if the person is single or taken. And if the person is single, you can work on observing the person in the bid to find out if he or she really likes someone else just as much as you like them. This is necessary because; if you love and think about that one person most of the time because you really like him or her, then likewise, that person would always do the same to the one they really love. That means that your beloved really loves or likes someone who isn’t you. If the person is taken or really likes someone else, then I must say that it’s most likely a no go area for you. And if it is the opposite, your result could just be a pleasant one or one that’s headed towards being pleasant. You just keep trying. But mind you, don’t ever become too clingy (whether you’re a male or female, especially if you are a female), it can be really disgusting to the person and you’d be doing nothing but worsening the situation. Apply wisdom!
In conclusion, I’ll leave you with this advice; be calm, be sensitive and observant and be realistic. Accept whatever result you derive from your personal experiment and I promise you that even if you don’t find that one person now, youdefinitely would someday and by then you wouldn’teven need to struggle to get what is already yours. So all in all; be happy, not because of someone else, but because you have chosen to be happy. If you have read up to this point, I must say that I am proud of you and it’s a good sign that you’re a diligent person and that you are going to take radical actions after now. I love you for this and when I say I do, it is because I really do!
And yes! Don’t forget to drop your comments too. I love them and I would definitely respond to them.
BY OJEME ISIOMA
I am a transformational writer, a public speaker and a poet who has a great passion for creating a better humanity.
Visit my column to read more: Communicate Your Transformation
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