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In a country where you are judged no matter what you
do, it is quite difficult coming out with your problems or even trying to seek
help for it. Unless you can properly explain what is wrong with you, nobody is
bothered to find out on your behalf.

But somethings are a bit difficult to explain and it
takes being one to know what it truly feels like.

First of all, we should know the basics of what we are
talking about.

Bipolar disorder is a disorder associated with
episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs.

There are also several types of bipolar disorder,
differentiated based on the degree of the level of episodes of mania and
depression.

The two main types are Bipolar I and Bipolar II.

Bipolar II is a milder form, which means milder
episodes of hypomania.

Hypomania is a less severe form of mania.

Other types include;

Cyclothymic disorder – Brief periods of hypomanic
symptoms and brief periods of depressive symptoms.

Mixed features – Occurrence of simultaneous symptoms
of opposite mood polarities during manic, hypomanic or depressive
episodes.

Rapid cycling – It describes having four or more mood
episodes within a 12 – month period which last for some minimum number of days.

Bipolar disorder isn’t just being moody or emotional.
It is a serious mental illness that affects a person’s daily activities.

It means I have zero control over my mood most of
the time. No matter how hard I try to control it, it always wins.
It is going 2 weeks straight feeling like a goddess
who can do no wrong, spending recklessly and making ‘brave’ decisions and then
suddenly remembering all your flaws and every little mistake you’ve ever made,
reprimanding yourself for spending foolishly or making that ‘brave’ decision.
It is going from “I want to hug everyone and
spread love and happiness.” to “I’ll kill the person that so much as
touches my finger.”
Very few people will understand how it feels, when
all you want is to be alone, no talking or touching but you’re surrounded by
people who, to you, seem unnaturally and unnecessarily happy.
It is enjoying 8 hours of sleep for a couple of days
and then struggling for 2 hours of sleep for the next few days but somehow
still finding the ability to survive the day.
It is having more than one person in your head and
gambling to get one person out.

Bipolar is all these and more.

But being bipolar definitely doesn’t make me a monster
or mean you have to be gentle around me.

Yes, it might be frustrating dealing with a person
when you never know who you’ll meet. And it might be tough not knowing if what
you say will trigger them. But it definitely isn’t all bad.

It is a hassle that people living with it have to go
through every day. It is no easier for me, not knowing what will trigger me
today. But having people judging definitely isn’t going to make it
better.

Bipolar disorder is a journey that could last a
lifetime. But it is livable if you are surrounded by the right people. People
who are willing to understand from your perspective and will not judge you.

Reference

https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/mental-health-bipolar-disorder

By Farida UmarAbout me
Amateur writer
Industrial chemist in the making
Proud feminist and weirdo

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