you? It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than
I could ever quantify.
their best self. Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most
women typically do these days.
the major error that trips women up? It’s
their focus. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for
the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears.
And amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant
way, one that goes beyond just hooking up.
tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and
understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move
mountains to possess you.
start out there when they first meet a woman, though. She needs to reach him at
that level by recognizing his ambitions, his fears, his motivations, his “mission” in life and where he ultimately wants to “win.”
reach a man deeply and make him want to commit and devote himself fully to you.
article to get it ready for publishing, it was three ways to make him commit… not four.
depressing because I had left out the most important element of all. So in this
revised version, I made sure to convey the most important piece of the puzzle
right at the beginning.
get really good at understanding the reality of relationships, love, and your
are easy and fun to be around…
I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and
just genuinely enjoying their company. Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them. I would have just as much
fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”
immediately make me feel uncomfortable and defensive. I feel like I have to
constantly be on my toes, choose my words carefully, and being around them is
far from pleasurable.
who fall somewhere in the middle.
has always amazed me when it comes to relationships is how people completely
disregard compatibility. They describe what it’s like to be with their guy and it almost sounds
like they’re talking about their
arch-enemy… there is no
comfort, no trust, no compatibility.
time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather
than love or respect. Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with
but the woman wants me to show her “relationship
magic” to “make it work.”
This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole.
relationships before I had a good understanding of what I really wanted,
valued, and what resonated with me in a relationship. In my late teens and
early twenties, for example, I knew that I wanted a girl that had a hot, fit
body and a beautiful face.
woman who really “gets” me… a woman that I can talk to for hours every day and
never feel bored… a woman who
I can laugh with for hours and hours on end…
a woman that I know how to be there for and who knows how to be there for me.
mentally revisited my past relationships and realized something very important
that I want to pass along to you…
things to work out and I got dumped), I realize that the woman I was with at
the time was never going to be that woman with me. Even if she wanted it to
attachment is completely gone, we would never have reached that level of
intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship.
see past my attachment to those relationships, though, or past my blind desire
to make things work because I didn’t
want to fail, I didn’t want to be
rejected, and I didn’t want to
compatibility. They’re just
fear, ego, and a false sense of identifying with relationship success.
with someone work when, at your core, you and he are ultimately incompatible.
It can be hard to see if you’re
blinded by fears of loss, self-doubt and relationship fantasies that you want
to come true…
don’t have the great relationships
because they know great relationship secrets or psychological loopholes of the
male mind. Fundamentally, people in the best relationships all have one thing
in common: they don’t have
relationships with people who are not a good match for them. They don’t let them into their life.
the easiest way to know if they’re
a good match or not? Plain and simple – how do you feel about
yourself when you’re with that
person? Do you feel better about yourself?
About life? About the things that upset you?
insecure? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you’re suffocating…
holding your breath in anticipation of a relationship that you desperately want
to come into existence but always seems just out of reach? Helpless, powerless, and afraid they’ll do something to hurt you?
good relationship (in fact, usually the people who tell me how desperately they
want something to work are highlighting how incompatible they really are with
into has to be sexually attracted to you. This is not a radical claim, it’s just a fact. If he doesn’t feel a sense of biological,
physical attraction to you, then nothing else I say will matter. His physical
attraction isn’t the
end-all be-all of his desire to be with you, but it is a required foundation.
news… if you want to call it that.
The good news is that some of the most powerful seductresses the world has ever
known were not the most beautiful.
can, and fortunately, this is largely in your control. And for the things you
can’t control…. own it.
with insecurities and no self-esteem because they feel that something about their
appearance is flawed and they’ll
never be good enough to attract the man they really want.
self-doubt is far more unattractive. Nobody is perfect and no man demands or
expects perfection. But those who own their imperfections are massively more
attractive than those who do not or cannot.
owns her imperfections and is totally OK with them. Conversely, being insecure
is a massive energy drain to you and the people around you. Insecurity stinks
of desperation and desperation kill attraction.
alluring and appealing. Spend more time at the gym, eat healthier, learn how to
apply makeup to enhance your best features, train your voice to be pleasant and
seductive (tape recording yourself works wonders), master attractive body
language and facial expressions, dress to flatter your figure, you get the
point. And that which you can’t change… own it.
ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it
more bluntly, you must offer something that is much rarer and valuable than sex
if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean… duh, right? And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and
physical hookup that he values deeply?
isn’t enough to cast some kind of “love spell” on a guy (maybe it worked 100 years ago, but
withholding sex till X date is just plain obsolete now….he’ll
just go somewhere else).
contribution to the world and their existence is pointless, meaningless, and
insignificant. At the same time, every man has hopes, dreams, and aspirations.
the major lesson: In order for a man to feel truly alive and truly fulfilled,
he needs to be pursuing his deepest aspiration and his “mission”
in life. Your ultimate gift as a woman
is to inspire him to do that, to realize his ultimate potential as a man.
comes down to putting energy into the right places. Worrying and stressing is
not putting energy into the right places.
stuck in feeling needy and out of control, you’re not going to see the necessity of bringing that
value to the relationship because you’ll
still be fixated on your own worries, your fears, your insecurities. And with
that fixation, you won’t be able to
put energy into the relationship, you’ll
have wasted all your energy needlessly worrying about stuff.
previous relationships with men, you may have formed some insecurities and
frustration around relationships. But in the end, those emotions do nobody a
favor – they repel men, they waste
your energy, and they make everyone miserable.
building a firm foundation that leads to a good relationship is to find your
own self-love and fulfillment independent of a relationship.
complete you, or “make you” happy. You have to show up to
a relationship “whole” and happy already. If you
show up “broken,” the guy will either leave or you’ll attract the type of guy who will take advantage
of you… then leave.
that matters. Putting energy doesn’t
come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t
attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are
outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something”
that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.
you like it. I don’t care if you think it’s fair or unfair. It is a simple truth that people
value those who bring a unique, special, meaningful value to the table. If you honestly think that you can have a
man want to choose you and only you forever without bringing something deeply
valuable to him… then you’re either choosing very low
-quality men or you just haven’t
thought through reality yet.
loved is not enough either. When it comes to him choosing you, you have to love
him in the way that’s deeply meaningful
to him. Your energy would be better spent figuring out what this is rather than
worrying about him leaving you.