THE BIGGEST LIAR IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP: YOU?
If you’re like me, you’re a perpetual member of the Friend Zone. I’m so used to being considered a homie instead of a honey, that I’m slightly convinced I’ll never escape to girlfriend territory…until now.
I recently read Why You’re Not Married…Yet and felt like the author Tracy McMillan was an older sister smacking me in the face with some cold-hearted truth. Damn, that hurt.
The book, now in paperback, is all about you and makes you look at yourself to take responsibility for the love you deserve. The You’re a Liar chapter really hit home with me. (No, I’m not some compulsive liar. That would make me cray cray and I’d need to re-read her chapter, You’re Crazy.) Tracy drives home a big idea: Stop lying to yourself—and men—about the kind of relationship you really want.
I felt like I got a good ass-whooping from Tracy in this bit right here:
“News flash: friends are when you don’t want to have sex with someone. If you want to have sex with someone—even if it’s not that much—you aren’t just friends.”
Shit. I’ve been there one too many times. I’m a firm believer that great relationships can come out of friendships. But being just friends with an awesome dude you want to makeout with—hoping it’ll turn into something more—is torture. You’re not being true to yourself about your desires and that’s not fair to you emotionally.
Instead, my big sis Tracy says, we need to be brutally honest with ourselves about what we want—and what we don’t want. If the way he treats you (like, constantly forgetting plans) drives you crazy, you need to address this in a nice manner immediately and watch for him to either change his ways or see him disappear from your life. And if the latter happens, he wasn’t someone you wanted to date in the first place.
By Dara Adeeyo